The Twittering Marital Bed

I was recently asked to be best man to my best mate in the world. The one condition was my mate made me swear – NO jokes before the wedding. So on his stag-do, the night before the wedding and even in my speech I was on my best behaviour, but everyone had a great time so job done. I volunteered to check in on their house while they’re on honeymoon + 1 day I thought – “Technically, this is AFTER the wedding, right?” Before I go any further I should say 90% the tech is ripped from “The Twittering Office Chair” with a load of motion sensing tech added instead. So here’s the thing: the newlywed’s marital bed now has a pressure-sensitive pad underneath which now tweets everytime they get on the job. You’ll know when it starts, when it ends, the force, a rating on the frenzy index and a judge’s comment – all broadcast live to Twitter. What you will NEVER know is who they are. Or who I am.I figure I’ll tell my mate in due course that he’s had an audience.So spread the word! BTW – he stitched me up something rotten when he was my best man so I reckon this is reasonable payback 🙂 They get back from honeymoon on Friday but if you see any reports come up before then we’re bug testing as of now. Enjoy!


Why I fired my secretary today

Last week was my birthday and I didn’t feel very well waking up that morning. I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, “Happy birthday!” and possibly have a present for me.

As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone “Happy birthday”.

I thought… well, that’s marriage for you, but the kids will remember. My kids ate breakfast and didn’t say a word.

So when I left for the office, I was feeling pretty low and somewhat despondent.

As I walked into the office, my secretary, Jane, said, “Good morning boss, happy birthday”. It felt al little better that at least someone had remembered.
I worked until one o’clock and then Jane knocked on my door and said, “You know, it’s such a beautiful day outside an it’s your birthday, let’s go out to lunch, just you and me”.

I said, “Thanks Jane, that’s the greatest thing I’ve heard all day. Let’s go”!

We went to lunch. But we didn’t go where we normally would go. We dined instead at a little place with a private table. We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.

On the way back to the office, Jane said, “You know, it’s such a beautiful day… We don’t need to go back to the office, do we?”
I responded, “I guess not. What do you have in mind?”

She said, “Let’s go to my apartment”.

After arriving at her apartment Jane turned to me and said, “Boss, if you don’t mind, I’m going to step into the bedroom for a moment. I’ll be right back”.

“OK”, I nervously replied.

She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes


Skurrile Pilotendurchsagen

Piloten ohne Orientierung, Kühe auf der Landebahn, Rock’n’Roll in der Luft: Manche Bord-Durchsage treibt Flugpassagieren die Schweißperlen auf die Stirn. SPIEGEL ONLINE hat die bizarrsten Fliegersprüche gesammelt.

Viele Piloten scheinen viel Humor zu haben – was sie dabei zu oft vergessen: Passagiere schätzen die flotten Sprüche aus dem Cockpit ganz anders ein. SPIEGEL ONLINE hat außergewöhnliche Bordkommentare gesammelt, eingeschickt von Usern, denen angesichts der Durchsagen das Herz stockte.



Transmission of IP Datagrams on Avian Carriers

Status of this Memo

This memo describes an experimental method for the encapsulation of IP datagrams in avian carriers. This specification is primarily useful in Metropolitan Area Networks. This is an experimental, not recommended standard. Distribution of this memo is unlimited.


Virtually Date Ariane

Go on a virtual date with me, Ariane
Basically this is a “choose your own adventure” style game that will have a different outcome depending on your choices along the way.